"When we meditate, things from the past come up, and we have to work with them. We may remember times when we treated others horribly--hurting their feelings, deceiving them, repaying their kindness with spite, manipulating them, cheating them.
While regret for these actions is appropriate and necessary to purify these kammas, we often fall into guilt and shame instead. Guilt and shame are obstacles to overcome on the path, because they keep us trapped in our self-centered melodrama entitled "How Bad I Am."
Regret, on the other hand, realizes that we erred, leads us to purify, and motivates us to refrain from acting like that in the future.
How do we counteract guilt and shame? One way is to recognize that the person who did that action no longer exists. You are different now. Is the person who did that action five years ago the same person you are now? If she were exactly the same person, you would still be doing the same action. The present "you" exists in a continuum from that person, but is not exactly the same as her. Look back at the person you were with compassion. You can understand the suffering and confusion she was experiencing that made her act in that way."
From Cultivating a Compassionate Heart: The Yoga Method of Chenrezig
by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron
Lately, I've been thinking of an incident that happened a long time ago. It's like 35 years ago when I was in my late teen. At that time I was working at my father's shop during school holidays. My dad runs a spare part shop in Klang.
What has been haunting me is the incident where I had a bad attitude towards a fisherman. The poor fisherman's engine broke down and has to be repaired. I remember his propeller shaft, propeller and cutless bearing were all worn-out. The foreman came to my shop to buy these replacement parts.
These parts are expnsive. The amount became too big and it's beyond the fisherman's means. I was too high and mighty and told the foreman who came along with him that it's the fisherman's fault. He does not know how to make a living and manage his finance.
Today after 35 years, I regret those words. I regret saying those foolish words. It is down right degrading and foolish. Today, I realized I've made a BIG mistake. I shouldn't have look downat the fisherman. I shouldn't have flapped and muscle and bullied him at all. I was bad.
In fact, I should have help him to think of a way to overcome his problem. He was just trying to earn an honest living.
I am so sorry. I regret my actions and promise to be more mindful and not to act foolishly again.
Mettacittena
16th Nov 2010
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